I have a problem being in the moment. I may be here physically but mentally I’m somewhere else. I’ve always been like this; a daydreamer, a reflector. But I see that it’s starting to get in the way of my growth as a person.
My mom calls me a “planner.” I have to critically think about everything before I do it, no matter how small. If I don’t I get this small feeling of regret in my stomach and I HATE regret. Regret makes me sit and think about what went wrong for days. Honestly, I’m still stuck on situations from years ago.
When I moved home I had a plan. Finish writing my thesis and find a job by July. Start preparing for Ph.D. programs by August and start saving money by September. In hindsight. this was SO unrealistic. Needless to say, none of these things happened and I was down on myself about it. This was in part because of circumstances, like how difficult it is to find a job. But some of it was also my fault.
My thoughts about my future left no room for action in my present. I was so worried about getting a bad grade on my thesis that I barely started it because it was all I could think about.
While I do want my Ph.D. trying to apply before I had even finished up my masters was another example of me avoiding the things right in front of me because I’m afraid of “Now”.
I’ve been reading “Enjoy your journey” by Joyce Meyers and her words have given me the framework to take action on being present.
She wrote, “God gives me grace for today, but He does not give me grace for yesterday or tomorrow.” Being in the past or the future adds unnecessary pressure to your present. This pressure can lead to doubt and your mood can be negative for days and even weeks to come.
There are small changes I have started making to shape my future as well as big habits I need to develop over time. It has not been easy but I see a change already.
I will make a conscious effort to see the good in every day
I will remember the power of faith when I start to worry or reflect too much
I will hold myself accountable to the goals and timelines I set
I will not let doubt steal my joy.
I will stop standing in my past and start working in my present for a better future.