An open letter to Black Men

I’ve been loved by too many Black men to say that they are all collectively trash. I have also been hurt enough by a few to understand this POV. I have talked to some men who are starting to take the “men are trash” tweets to heart and at the risk of sounding like a pick me…

Black men, we love you! We promise! You do not deserve to suffer and you are not the scum of the earth. We just want to receive the same effort we put in.

We throw this term toxic masculinity around a lot, probably to the point where it’s hard for you to understand the meaning but it’s hurting your interactions. You spend so much time trying to be a tough guy and hide your emotions that it gets in the way of your relationships with people.

I encourage you to look at yourself, think about some of the flaws that you have and how you can fix them. I’m a firm believer in therapy. It doesn’t make you weak, it takes a strong person want to be better. Honestly holding all those feelings in will push you towards a breakdown.

Think about what you want in a relationship and teach the person you’re with how to love you. How are we supposed to know what keeps you up at night if you never tell us? Understand that we’re not perfect either and don’t just leave when things are hard. And if you do decide to leave, know that it is not our responsibility to wait for you with open arms until you get your shit together. 

PLEASE don’t call us crazy. We put a lot of trust in you and that word makes us want to pull back when all we needed was our feelings validated.

Even as friends we just want you to hear us and respect us as your equal. Check your friends when they’re disrespecting us and listen when we talk about rape culture.

I know that women can be trash too, and a broken heart can take forever to heal but take that time. Let’s try to stop the cycle of entering relationships and hurting people because we don’t want to be alone.

Lastly, you are worthy. Worthy of love, of success, of peace. I acknowledge the struggles you face in this world. I know sometimes it can feel like you have a target on your back and enemies coming from all sides. You can look to us for solace but not as your emotional laborer or your punching bag.

Black men, we love you. Just stop making it so hard for us to do.

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